Hyperlinks In Gold Below
SIMPLE TRUTHS...
A BUDDHA WAS QUOTED...
There are three things that cannot be easily hidden, the Sun, the
Moon, and the Truth.
Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life:
SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."
But, none of them comes up to the man- touch his penis and say, "Good Job"
Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
BONUS RULES:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband
I think all Politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors!
Also, all
Politicians should serve only two terms, one term in office and one term in prison.
STIMULUS ADVICE OR NOT...
Q: What is an Economic Stimulus payment? A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money? A: From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money? A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment? A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China? A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money goes to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit card off or buy stock, it will go to the management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead keep the money in America by: (1) Spending it at a yard sale, or (2) Going to a ballgame, or (3) Spending it on hookers, or (4) Beer, or (5) Tattoos (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed hooker that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help. Your friendly tax accountant. đŸ˜„
PARTAKE, ENJOY, PROCEED!
